Relational Anxiety- Anxiety caused by current or past relationships
Anxiety stems from interpersonal dynamics, attachment patterns, or relational conflicts. It’s often tied to fears of rejection, abandonment, or disconnection.
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Question: I tend to focus too much on what other people want, and I'm often unsure about what I want in many situations. This is making my life more complicated and difficult than it should be. What’s wrong with me?
Answer: This type of anxiety is more complicated and requires a deeper understanding of your
relationship history. It may help to consider the concept of "childhood emotional neglect" coined by Dr. Jonice Webb. This refers to individuals who didn’t receive the emotional attunement they needed during childhood. As a result, they may experience disconnection from their own emotions, focus excessively on others to the point that it causes problems in their own lives, and struggle with self-doubt.
Question: I either feel mildly anxious, or I feel nothing at all. Other people seem really
anxious, and I feel like I’m just a little anxious all the time. What is that?
Answer: "When you push your emotions down or suppress them, they don’t simply disappear.
Instead, they remain buried. Repressed and suppressed feelings pool together under the surface
and become a diffuse form of anxiety. This type of anxiety seems to come and go at will. It
becomes your main feeling. In general, you may find yourself existing in two states: you either
feel anxious, or you feel nothing at all"
Question:I either feel anxious when someone tries to be too caring toward me, or I feel anxious when someone is not in constant contact with me. Is there any explanation?
Answer: Attachment theory is a helpful explanation for why we feel the way we do in relation to others. Our attachment style develops in childhood as a result of our natural disposition and our closest relationships. If you understand your style, how it developed, and how it impacts your life, you can begin to make small changes that align with your values and move you toward the type of relationships you really want.
Question: How do I develop a more secure attachment style or feel more comfortable being
close with others or letting them have some distance without feeling super anxious about it?
Answer: For most people, it’s enough to know your style so you can work with it. The video
below provides a more detailed explanation of how attachment styles can change.
Question: I struggle with social anxiety. How do I fix it?
Answer: Dr. Thomas Smithyman has great resources on how to overcome social anxiety. It basically comes down to being warm, being curious, being authentic to yourself, and realizing that people aren’t demanding an incredible level of verbal performance, wit, or humor.